Knitnut.net. Watch my life unravel...
|
Posted by zoom! on July 13, 2006, at 1:48 pm |
Every now and then somebody thinks up a bizarre new way to make money on the Internet. Like armchair hunting.
Here’s how it works. You pay $1500 to the owners of Live-Shot.com. Then you go to the website and, via a webcam, you view a feeding area of a game farm somewhere in the US. When an animal (wild pig, antelope, etc.) moves into your screen, you use your mouse to line him up in your cross-hairs and click to pull the trigger. Somewhere in the US, a gun fires and your prey drops dead. Someone scoops it up, mounts its head on a piece of wood, and ships to you so you can hang it on your rec room wall.
22 states have now banned internet armchair hunting. I can’t believe so many idiots were willing to fork over $1500 apiece for the privilege of pushing a mouse button that an actual law was required.
Posted by zoom! on July 10, 2006, at 3:28 pm |
This post is dedicated to my friend Janet and her righteous indignation at the righteous babes at the Ani Defranco concert (Main Stage, Bluesfest, July 9.)
10 WAYS TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE AT AN OUTDOOR FESTIVAL
1. Arrive at any point after the concert has started, but be determined to get the best seat in the house. This won’t be easy, but it’s SO worth it.
2. Just push people out of your way. People expect to be pushed around at outdoor concerts. So what if they’ve been there for hours, laying claim to the perfect location? You’re here now, and it’s your turn.
3. Step on people’s feet if you want them to move.
4. Step on their stuff too. And kick over their drinks.
5. Once you’ve displaced everybody and claimed your spot, call your friends on your cell phone and give them a real-time, blow-by-blow description of the concert. You’ll want to shout, so everybody around you can hear your description of the concert over the concert.
6. Answer your cell phone and talk about deductibles for 10 minutes. Yeah, it’s boring, but it makes you look important.
7. Just throw your garbage on the ground – the volunteers can pick it up later. That’s what they’re not paid to do.
8. If you know the words to the songs, sing along – preferably at the top of your lungs and directly into the nearest stranger’s ear. If they tell you it hurts, apologize and keep doing it.
9. When you’re clapping along with the music, make a point of clapping your neighbour’s hair.
10. Remember, there’s no such thing as a space too small for dancing. (Handy Tip: If you smoke while you dance, lots of people will give you more space.)
BONUS TIP FOR BOYZ:
11. Don’t bother applauding the band. But if you’re asked to give it up for the sponsoring beer company, knock yourself out. Scream like a banshee, grab your package and make buffalo noises.
————————————————
By the way, Ani’s happy now. She says it wasn’t her choice, but somebody came along and MADE her happy.
I tried to take some photos of Ani, but you know the setup of the Bluesfest main stage is not very accessible for either taking photos or watching concerts. It’s like having a festival on a highway, with the stage at one end, and then all the Jags and Porsches, and then all the regular folk, who can’t see the stage but know it’s up there somewhere. The nice folks at Bluesfest have put up a big screen so we can see the performers too.
Here, I’ll illustrate:
This is the stage – note that I took this photo by holding the camera above my head, so the camera actually saw far more than I did.
And here’s a picture of someone taking a picture of Ani on the big screen.
Posted by zoom! on July 9, 2006, at 12:02 pm |
Have you checked out Nik’s comics yet? I love these things.
Posted by zoom! on July 8, 2006, at 1:59 pm |
He did it! The red paper clip guy had the goal of trading a paper clip for a house. It took a year of trading up, but he has accomplished his goal.
He traded the paper clip for a pen, the pen for a doorknob, the doorknob for a coleman stove, the stove for a generator, the generator for an instant party, the party for a skidoo, the skidoo for a trip to Yahk, BC, the trip for a cube truck, the truck for a recording contract, the contract for a year’s rent in Phoenix, Phonix for an afternoon with Alice Cooper, Alice Cooper for a KISS snow globe (???), the snow globe for a movie role, and the movie role for a house in Kipling, Saskatchewan.
I need a brilliant idea. (Got any brilliant ideas that you don’t have time for? I’ll give you a Triple A battery for it. )
Posted by zoom! on July 6, 2006, at 9:41 pm |
 I sent out a general email appeal to my 8 co-workers yesterday, explaining that my dog shits faster than I shop, and I therefore face a chronic and critical shortage of poop & scoop bags. Today my co-workers filled my cubicle with 178 bags. My dog and I are good for the next 89 days. It’s the little things, ya know?
Posted by zoom! on July 5, 2006, at 5:50 pm |
Do you have a favourite colour, a favourite song, a favourite movie, actor and actress? A favourite pet, or a favourite child?
I always draw a blank when I get asked what my favourite anything is. I don’t think I have many favourites. I love the colour blue, but I love green too, and sometimes I’m in the mood for white. And doesn’t it depend on the context? I have a lot of blue clothes, but I wouldn’t want blue walls.
I do have a favourite chair. And a favourite kid. He’s my only kid, but he would still be my favourite even if I had 10 kids. I’ve noticed my friends will readily identify a favourite colour or song, but won’t admit to having a favourite kid. They say things like “They’re all my favourite,” or “I dislike them all equally.”
But kids know. They KNOW. Take my family for example. My mother has four kids. The third kid is her favourite. All four of us know it. The favourite kid feels a little guilty and apologetic for being the favourite, but she doesn’t try to deny it. There’s no point: we all know. The rest of us honestly don’t mind that we’re not the favourite, because when you occupy the exalted position of favourite you carry additional responsibilities. For example, the favourite has to spend more time with her, and be more like her best friend.
My mother has seven grandchildren. I’m pretty sure her four kids could rank all the grandchildren from most favourite to least favourite, and our lists would be identical. I’m my mother’s second-favourite kid, and my son is her third-favourite grandchild. (The favourite kid is the mother of both the favourite grandson and the favourite granddaughter, and also of the least-favourite grandchild.)
Even though we don’t mind not being her favourite, we probably all harbor a wee bit of resentment that she’s a better grandmother to some of her grandchildren than others.
My mother even has a favourite ex-husband. And a least favourite ex-husband. My father is the second-favourite ex-husband. (The favourite child’s father is the least favourite ex-husband, so I see no pattern here.)
The next time I see my mom I’m going to ask her if she has a favourite child. She’ll probably say we’re all her favourite. But she’ll look sheepish when she says it.
—————–
By the way, I read a study once that said mothers will deny having a favourite until they’re very old and their children are old, and then 80% of them will admit it confidentially to an interviewer.
Posted by zoom! on July 2, 2006, at 5:11 pm |
Let’s wrap up Canada Day weekend with Joe. Joe was a big hit in Canada a few years back, with his I AM CANADIAN beer commercial. Ironcially, his success catapulted him all the way to Los Angeles. But we Canadians for the most part still love him.
Posted by zoom! on July 1, 2006, at 5:26 pm |
I remember Expo 67, when we celebrated Canada’s 100th birthday. I was a little kid, and I thought a hundred was ancient. A hundred was even older than my Opa, and he was the oldest person I knew.
Today is Canada’s 139th birthday. I own things that were made before Canada was Canada. I’ve been alive for more than a third of Canada’s life. Canada doesn’t seem so old anymore.
Anyway. Today I went out and watched Canadians being Canadian at the most Canadian of Canadian places: on and about Parliament Hill.
But first I stopped by the War Museum, to see the Maple Leaf Brass Band in which fellow blogger Dave Scrimshaw plays tenor horn. Unfortunately my photography skills were not up to the challenge of shooting a big black band in front of a huge bright window. But the music was fantastic.
This little Canadian was in the crowd, well away from the window:
On to downtown.
First let’s get the obligatory Peace Tower shot over with.
Here are a couple of bands that were playing around the National Arts Centre. I think the first one is BAM and the second one is Pardon My French.
Oh, and I finally figured out how to take video with my camera. By accident. I got some unexpected video of Pardon My French, and it must be real foot-stomping music, because my camera was keeping beat.
Next, on to the Hare Krishnas. I haven’t seen them for awhile. It seems they have a vampire now.
When I was a starving student, a bunch of us went to the weekly Hare Krishna feast. Once. They fed us unidentifiable cold sweet stuff, and made us eat everything on our plates “because it would insult Krishna to waste it.” Afterwards they gave us Krishna cookbooks. The recipe for milk was: “Add one cup of sugar to one quart of milk. Stir.”
Next up, a trip to the Porta-Potties. There they are, lined up against the Parliament Buildings. I can’t imagine the White House allowing such a thing, but this is Canada and in Canada we’re proud we have the right to pee on Parliament Hill.
Canadians like peace too:
Our colours are red and white and our symbol is the inoffensive and peaceful maple leaf:
What celebration of Canada would be complete without an 8-foot-tall woman playing the electric fiddle?
She smiled at me!
My photography today might have been better if I were taller. Or if I had a boyfriend.
Canada, being a polite country, would never claim the whole spotlight, even on her birthday. Congratulations Portugal!
Posted by zoom! on June 28, 2006, at 7:45 pm |
No time to write today, but I haven’t forgotten about you. Here are a few links that might interest you:
In case you think less of the Japanese after watching that video, here’s a Japanese IQ test which will restore your faith. The instructions are in Japanese, so here’s what you need to know:
Click on link then click on blue circle.
Everybody has to cross the river.
The following rules apply:
Only two persons on the raft at a time.
The father cannot stay with any of the daughters without their mother’s
presence.
The mother cannot stay with any of the sons without their father’s presence.
The thief (striped shirt) cannot stay with any family member if the
policeman is not there.
Only the father, the mother and the policeman know how to operate the raft.
To start, click on the big blue circle on the right.
To move the people, click on them.
To move the raft, click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.
Posted by zoom! on June 25, 2006, at 1:13 pm |
Sign on the post outside my grocery store this morning:
Since it was a beautiful day and I had nothing more compelling to do, I thought I’d go check out the alleged crack house.
There was helpful signage along the way:
And here it is, a charming little crack house nestled in a park-like setting at Bay and Somerset – it’s the house directly behind the children on the swings:
|
|
Popular Posts