Hi, it’s me, Ernie, with Part II of our honeymoon.
After our five blissful days in Trinity East, we headed back to St. John’s for a couple of days. Along the way we took a little detour to the village of Dildo, just because it’s called Dildo. Here I am at the Post Office. This might actually be the most photographed post office sign in the world.
This is me in the pouring rain with Captain Dildo and the Lighthouse. Captain Dildo and the Lighthouse are right outside Dildo’s little museum. They are symbols of Dildo. Can you see what the symbols of Dildo have in common? That’s right: they’re both kind of phallic.
The thing about Dildo is that it’s name is its biggest tourist draw. People – like Zoom and GC – go a little out of their way just to take pictures of the signs that say Dildo. There were three campaigns to change Dildo’s name in the 20th century, but none were successful. Two suggested alternatives were Seaview and Pretty Cove. Zoom thinks Dildo’s name is what keeps Dildo on the map.
Other towns in Newfoundland have changed their names over the years: Famish Gut is now Fair Haven, Gayside is now Baytona, and Silly Cove is now Winterton. Zoom and GC and me, we all like the old names better.
When we were in the tiny museum we asked the question that every single tourist in the whole history of Dildo tourism asks:
“How did Dildo get its name?”
And Benjamin, the nice teenager who works at the museum of Dildo and who was born and raised in Dildo and who hopes to study French in Quebec after he finishes high school, told us that there are many theories. This is a picture of Benjamin and me, which Zoom took while he explained some of the many theories. Benjamin thinks Dildo was supposed to be named Dilbo, but the captain was dyslexic.
Another possibility is that Captain Cook and his assistant, who mapped Newfoundland in the 1760s, got a chuckle out of giving towns funny names. Newfoundland has a lot of towns with funny names. For example: Blow Me Down, Whitless Bay, Nameless Cove, Heart’s Desire, Come-by-Chance and Conception Bay. Internationally, Dildo holds its own with Fucking, Austria; Anus, France; Nob End, England; Effin, Ireland; Twatt, Scotland; Intercourse, Pennsylvania; Bald Knob, Arkansas; and Wankum, Germany.
The name might be the primary tourist draw, but there’s more to Dildo than its name. Here I am riding a whale in Dildo!
Here I am peeking into a miniature schoolhouse in Dildo!
This is me driving a miniature tugboat in Dildo!
Stay tuned for the third and final instalment of our Newfoundland honeymoon!
Another funny name to add to your collection: Climax, Saskatchewan. Goes well with Dildo and Intercourse!
A man was telling me once in Newfoundland about his grandfather and where he was from. “He belonged to a town that used to be called Paradise; now it’s Pleasantview.”
Who voted for that, I wonder?