I was kind of excited when the mail carrier knocked on my door with a registered letter. A surprise! Maybe I won something? Maybe I inherited money from a long-lost distant relative?
Awww, Zoom, you incurable optimist, you. (But perhaps such unbridled optimism is reasonable, give that this has always been a lucky mailbox.)
It was an Order from the City of Ottawa. They’re giving me three weeks to repair or replace my front porch. Otherwise they’ll do it themselves and bill me, along with a fine of up to $50,000.
The front porch is the worst part of the whole house, and there’s no question it needs repairing or replacing. As a matter of fact, I got a quote last year: $6,000 to remove and replace it. It’s a concrete block with steps, and I share it with my next-door neighbour, so $3,000 each. He wasn’t interested, even though his side is far worse than mine. His is so bad that the post office refused to provide home delivery unless he did something, so he relocated his mailbox to the foot of the steps. It’s so bad it makes mine look almost good.
Photo: My Side
Photo: His Side
Photo: His side, viewed from my side
The neighbours on the other side replaced their porch last year with a wooden one, after their tenant caught her heel in a cavernous crack and fell down the stairs.
My first order of business is to request an extension. Three weeks isn’t long enough to sort this out, especially since I have to coordinate the decision and work with my neighbour. Plus we have to rob a bank or something first.
My ever-so-thrifty neighbour and I discussed it yesterday, and he seems to think we can get away with just repairing it again. But I think that’s like duct-taping duct tape. These steps have been repaired repeatedly over the years. The stoop is even coming away from the building now. It’s time to replace it.
We could go with wood. It would be cheaper, and I think it would look better too.
My neighbour thinks if we go with wood, we should leave the concrete stoop and stairs there, and just build a new porch over it. But the new porch couldn’t use the old porch as a base, since it’s crumbling away from the building. So it would have to “float,” which would make it larger than the existing porch, so I would lose some of my front garden. He said he has a biker friend who could do it.
Does anybody have any other ideas?
In other mail-related news, I received a card in the mail a week or two after posting the video of Duncan and the mouse. The envelope was neatly hand-written, and addressed to my full name.
I opened it up and my eyes almost bugged out of my head. How did they know I had a mouse?
Photo: Front of Card
Photo: Inside of Card
I’ve never used a pest control company before. I suppose it could just be a coincidence that I ended up on their mailing list, but I don’t think so. The card and the timing were just too perfect, and besides, the envelope was hand-written. So what I wanna know is, which one of you sent it?? My first guess is XUP. If not her, then one of those Elgin Street Irregulars. Or maybe Nancy and Doug? C’mon, fess up!
We had ants all over our kitchen one morning and an hour after we cleaned them up a pest control company knocked on our front door!
I wish I had that quick of a response! I’ve had ants, little mice (even though I have 3 cats… lazy bums), and now have a wasps nest on the side of my roof and a bees hive in my deck steps. I actually tried to look up companies last night to see if I can get quotes, but barely found anyone that doesn’t just list their national 1-800 number. I want someone local.
Ha ha — not me, sorry. I might give you a stern talking to about the mouse, but I’d never be this intrusive. I think it was Julia. I think Julia also ratted you out to the city. From now on whatever happens you can blame and/or thank Julia. It’s all part of her new public service thingy. And speaking of your stoop – why does the city care what it looks like? Just take the whole thing out and install a catapult in front of your door so you can fling yourself into the house. Or, hang a Tarzan rope from the nearest tree. Or perch a small ladder against your front door. Or just sell the place and move out. It will make moving a lot easier if there’s no silly front porch and steps in the way — they can just back the truck right up to the doorway and push everything in.
Can you bypass the neighbor? Would it be possible to demolish just your half of the steps and put in a wood structure that pleases you? I bet you and GC could build it yourselves given your success with the raised beds!
If you do go with wood, be sure to treat it regularly (sealer, paint, or…) to make sure it has a long and attractive life. I didn’t do that with a deck I built and now have a hazard to demolish.
Ma’am, I, speaking caninally, would never send in the pest control boys to do a coyote’s work.
I’d rather drop by myself and explore the possibility of employing mousies as bait with which to snag me a large, delicious-looking furline.
But if I were you, I’d definitely keep a wary eye on the rest of them Elgin Street Irregulars. Unlike us honest-as-the-day-is-long coyotes, they’re all miscreants. The lot. When you can even find ’em…
For your porch-try to get an extension at least thru to September and then maybe contact a high school, college or trades school about some coop students coming to work on your porch for credit……
Wasn’t me!
One time when I was very young the front steps at my father’s house collapsed under my stepmother and step-sister, luckily it was all rather slow, and noone was harmed, but they ended up using the back steps for months until their lousy neighbours reported them to the city, and they got the same notice. I hope you get an extension, and I’m sorry it sounds like you have one neighbour who seems to care just a little too much about other people’s business (as the city doesn’t just spontaneously come out and inspect front steps, they’re usually responding to a complaint)
What about all the houses in the country that don’t have a front porch at all…These places get away with it for upwards of ten years.
You just reminded me of one of the many reasons why Ottawa (and many other cities) suck.
I have many questions. Is the step actually dangerous or is it mostly cosmetic and in another 5-10 years may become a an issue? I don’t remember them being all that bad. They were definitely navigable without any thought on my part.
Who from the city is walking around and inspecting front steps? If Ottawa has enough money to send people around to pick on people about their steps they should immediately stop complaining about providing any real services that the taxpayers desire. Like more trains, tunnels, clearing grass along the parkway, fixing EVERY pothole, etc.
I wonder if they are doing this as a scam to burn people for doing work without permits. You’ll likely need to get a building permit for any changes other than a basic repair. It may even lead to the city increasing your taxes.
If the municipal government in my town were to take such measures about such petty things there would be a massive outcry. I’m not saying we’re rednecks out here, but a lot of violence would occur and our local counselors would likely find it safer to flee the region rather than try to support the local building inspector.
I think you should evaluate whether the steps are truly unsafe. If you can make them safer with a bit of patching, that’s the way I’d go. Concrete mix is $6 or $7 a bag and you’d likely only need 1 or 2 to do some patching/filling.
Beyond that I’d go to the newspaper and let them know about the city going after you on such a petty issue. I’m angry just thinking about it and they aren’t even my steps. If I lived there they would likely have thrown me in jail for the current state of my front steps.
Zoom!
I’ve looked at your pictures. The cracks are definitely cosmetically not so appealing. Grass coming up isn’t all that attractive either and the paints peeling on the facing boards.
That said, I’m getting very angry over the city approaching you about this. And I’m even upset that anyone could get a fine for such a thing. I think you should sue the city for every crack and pothole you encounter while walking over the next week or three. I also think you should sue them over the horrible mess they have happening in Westboro and the one by the new US Embassy. Everytime you’re on city property and see a hole or crack, you should take a photo of it and add it to your lawsuit. Give them 3 weeks to fix them all. While your at it, you might want to get some pictures of recreational areas that are highly used by the general public and have holes for heels to get caught in. What about all the hazardous sidewalks.
Your home is private property, not a place that the public is expected to visit or use regularly. If it was a commercial business, I might have a different view (if I was a really anal building inspector).
Perhaps you could ask them if it would make any difference if you put some caution tapes up across them and stated you’d need 5 years to finance the building of the new steps due to the costs of living in Ottawa.
Your local government is so lucky I’m not in your shoes. On that note, if push does come to shove, I’ll help patch your steps and replace the facing boards.
Oh – your neighbour’s steps truly are unsafe – but those too could be patched/fixed with some concrete mix, a wheel barrow, a trowel and a case of beer. No way should that cost thousands – maybe a couple hundred including all materials and the beer.
I agree with Techwood and I expect it’s your neighbour’s steps that are the real issue. You got tagged because he did and they’re connected. I think you should ask the city why yours are an issue – just pull out the weeds first and get them over there – needing paint is not a reason for replacement. Get a valid explanation. If it is because of your neighbour then they can’t penalize you if he’s a slum landlord who doesn’t want to fix them. I also agree that a patch job would probably suffice.
The first thing we had to do here was pull off broken bannisters and replace rotten steps. We used recycled wood.
HEY! No fair XUP! I never even knew about the steps. And in fact, I don’t know Zoom’s actual street address, even though I have been by, as I have a terrible head for numbers. Even though I live right across the street from GC, I have to look out my front door to get his house number!
That’s right, Julia – CYA
My only piece of advice is that you’re going to replace the steps, make sure you think about it and do it in a way that will not make you have to redo it in a couple of years. What is the downside to building a bigger porch to get out of removing the concrete? What happens if concrete deteriorates further? That whole idea makes me uncomfortable – covering up problems often leads to more problems.
It’s too bad you’re tied to your neighbour in this.
I agree that your side looks like it’s a cosmetic problem & you’re likely getting the notice because of your neighbour.
[…] Draft Posted by Zoom! on August 11, 2010, at 10:08 am | I’m starting to worry about my front porch again. I managed to get an extension on the deadline for fixing it, but now the new deadline is […]