Have I ever told you I have a phobia about public speaking? I’m pretty laid back and easy-going about most things, but the prospect of public speaking provokes intense anxiety in me, and that anxiety just keeps intensifying as the date and the moment get closer. By the time I’m actually speaking, I’m extremely stressed, and it’s obvious to everybody in the room, which makes me even more stressed. (Of course it rarely comes down to this, as I go to great lengths to avoid public speaking in the first place.)
It’s not that I don’t like talking, it’s just that I like talking to be spontaneous and optional.
Where I used to work, we had a habit of including almost everybody in the job interview process. It wasn’t unusual for us to subject job applicants to interviews with panels of four or five interviewers. Sometimes, for more senior positions, we even made them go through circuits of panels. I was often on these panels, and I felt such empathy for the people being interviewed. Especially the shy ones.
I once pointed out to my colleagues that the interview process in general, and ours in particular, was stacked against introverts and shy people. A confident extrovert might shine even brighter with all that attention, but a shy introvert would wilt under the spotlight. My concerns were acknowledged but nothing changed. We continued to march these poor jobless souls through our dreadful gauntlet.
Anyway. I’m facing the prospect of job interviews, and I’m intimidated. In addition to public speaking, I’m also not good at dressing up. After 18 years in a casual work environment, I have absolutely nothing in my closet that would be suitable for a job interview. That’s not an exaggeration.
To give you a sense of how casual my former work environment was:
One day Nancy and Louise and I were in the elevator going up to our office and a woman got on the elevator, looked us over in our jeans and t-shirts, and said “I want to work where you guys work!”
“This is nothing,” I said, “You should see us on Casual Friday.”
I guess I have to get the clothes thing sorted out. The Image Consultant at the COPE program, where I got my Career Action Plan, gave us clothing rules. No black. No white. No pink. No lavender. No orange. Suits only. Grown-up lady shoes. Pants hemmed to halfway up your heel. Every piece of clothing in perfect condition. Etcetera. And that’s not even getting into the hair and makeup and other aspects of grooming, or the rules about body language and speaking from the diaphragm. Honestly, the whole thing made me want to retire.
I have to get better at speaking too, so I don’t dread job interviews quite so much. To that end, I went to a Toastmasters meeting yesterday. It just so happened that it was International Speech Competition Day. Can you imagine? Competitive public speaking? Yikes.
To be honest, I found Toastmasters a bit hokey. But I think I’m going to join anyway, because I’m pretty sure it’ll help me with the public speaking phobia, which will help me with the job interview process.
Looking for work involves so much more than just looking for work.
I think the clothing thing depends on where you want to work. You don’t want to go to a social work interview dressed like a Bay Street broker. I always thought the rule of thumb was to dress as you would expect to dress for the job you’re interviewing for, but bumped up one notch to show respect. Also, I think it’s more important for you to feel comfortable in your clothes during an interview than to put yourself into some phoney costume. I could never pull off a corporate look, so I don’t even try. I usually aim for something neutral – pants, shirt and a casual blazer. Anyway, the interview thing — nobody enjoys it. The reason they often have groups interviewing you is so eliminate personal bias as much as possible and because in a lot of these jobs you’ll need to be able to speak to groups in meetings, for presentations, reports, etc. It’s so much fun to follow you through all these little byways and highways of your life!
My experience has been that you can’t be overdressed for an interview, but it’s quite easy to be underdressed. Even in a casual work environment or where the actual job involves getting dirty, there is still an ingrained sense that dressing up shows that you’re serious about wanting the job. I’m like you Zoom in the wardrobe department, and for me the interview is ok but shopping for interview clothes destroys my self confidence. I hate trying to find a suit-type thing with my curvy girl figure. And then there’s the whole money end of things. Maxing out the credit card or spending grocery money on the hopes that it will pay off. Eek!
I’m an INFJ. Sometimes the scale slides a wee bit up and down but what I am, more than anything else, is introverted. So far over on the scale that it is surprising I even manage imaginary friends. I like people, I enjoy being with people, but the whole process in exhausting. I can do public speaking. Something like Toastmaster’s would work very well for me. But speaking in front of four or five interviewers would absolutley fry my little brain.
I’m in high tech, and it’s typical for people to show up in jeans and a t-shirt. For interviews, though, I go with slacks and a blazer. I don’t usually wear button down shirts, though (even though you’re “supposed to”), because they don’t typically fit me well.
My advice would be to get a neutral-type suit that you are comfortable in with a couple of shirt options. (Every where I’ve interviewed lately does at least 2 rounds of interviews.) If the length is wrong, a tailor can fix it.
Depending on who you interview with, they may not care, but it’s definitely better to be a little dressier than required.
I used to be terrified of public speaking too — I was really shy and introverted up until mid-high school, and when we had to give book reports in public school I would sweat and shake, and breathe really deeply so I sounded all weird, and all the kids would laugh and tease me which made it a million times harder. But now I can give speeches to a room full of people without sweating it. Preparation is key — whenever I have to speak without notes I still get a bit nervous. Last week at YSB’s 50 anniversary unveiling I had something written but I didn’t print it out, and I just stumbled and stuttered my way through. I sounded like such a pothead!
But I think that if you pratice you can become perfectly comfortable speaking publicly. Once you do it a couple times and you realize you did a good job you start to enjoy it.
Oh yeah, and I wanted to mention: you got nominated in the Ecology & Social Justice category at the CWAs as well. It wasn’t me! I tried to mention this in a comment yesterday but I’ve been losing a lot of comments on this site — not sure what the problem is but it’s really annoying. I have to remember to copy everything before I submit it in case it doesn’t register.
My ex joined toastmasters when we separated. It seems to be doing great things for his lack of ability to speak to .. anyone.
It’s funny – I just quit my office job in favour of opening my own small cleaning business and have a rather impressive wardrobe that I have no idea what to do with. Are you a size 10/12/14? 😛
I wish I could help you in the wardrobe department…I bet there are others out there like Rae who might have clothes that are closer to your size. I am amazed that black is a no no. There is a place in Toronto that gets donations of clothing for people like yourself, re=entering the workforce…I wonder if Ottawa has anything like it. I will look for the name of this place.
I used to do Toastmasters. I agree it can be a little hokey, but it also can be useful. Their format trains you in impromptu speaking as well as prepared speeches, which may help with the interview thing.
Good luck with it all, with all the effort you’re putting in you deserve to find something wonderful.
I’m really not a fan of public speaking either. Interviews I don’t mind so much. I think of it, as just going in to talk to people. Think of it as a conversation… that is key.
I usually go in with a cheat sheet of things I think they are looking for. As well, I have a list of examples of things I’ve done that might be of interest and how I handle difficult situation. Etc. etc. Helps if you can figure out who you need to impress too. (i.e. who is making the final decision.)
If I know who is going to be on the panel, I do a google search to find out something about them as well as getting a pretty firm grasp on who is doing the hiring.
I think clothing matters. But it’s important that you don’t go in looking like you’re wearing your mother’s clothes. Knowing what’s in my wardrobe I know I’ve worn a lot of black to interviews.
Found this: http://www.myfirstsuit.ca/
You could check it out. It’s not necessarily for first suits only. I’m sure they’d help you, as you’re trying to reenter the workforce.
XUP – Personally, I like your approach to dressing for an interview, but it seems like most of the other commenters disagree.
Megabytes, having spent a good chunk of last year lying on the couch eating Smarties, I’m now a little curvier than I’d like to be. I don’t like clothes shopping at the best of times, but I especially don’t like it when I’m feeling fat and broke!
Grace, that’s very interesting that you’re an introvert who has no problem with public speaking. Maybe I’m attributing my fear of public speaking to introversion when in fact something else is to blame…?
Colette, that’s the same advice the image consultant gave. She took it a little further though, by crossing some of the neutrals off the list, including black, white and beige.
Junkie-Monkey, thanks for sharing that. At least once you’re an adult, nobody literally laughs and teases you when you bomb at public speaking. Geez. It gives me hope to know that you used to be phobic about public speaking too, because you’re so good at it now. By the way, thanks for letting me know that some of your comments had vanished – I took a look under the hood, and there they were, stuck in the spam thing. I put them back where they belong.
Rae, that’s funny about your ex. As for clothes, I don’t even really know what size I am. There are no sizing standards between brands. Maybe 8 or 10? Mostly I just buy size medium. (And I always have to buy petite for pants, because I’m short.)
Deb, yeah, she was anti-black. She said everybody does black. If you want to stand out, do something else. Also black might make us look visually slimmer, but it ages our faces.
Grasswren, thank you. Would you happen to know if the Toastmasters membership dues entitle you to access to all the groups, or if they’re group-specific?
Nat, good advice, thank you.
Stephanie, thanks for the link, I just applied! I’ll let you know how it works out.
I’m biased because I worked there, but I recommend hitting up The Clothes Secret in Old Ottawa South on Bank for interview clothes. It’s a consignment store with great stuff and if you go in there and say what you need, they’ll help you find it. I recommend particularly going in on a Thursday and asking for Nancy. She’s my mom, but she is good. She’ll sort you out! (But not this Thursday, she’s coming to visit me in Halifax!)
I recommend Toastmasters – have been in it for 10 years or so.
Hokey? Well, maybe some clubs. The applause after every speaker may seem hokey to newcomeers(reminds me of US Amway presentations…) – but it feels really great for the speaker.
The big advantage of Toastmasters is:
– you find out your good points
– you get good suggestions
– you develop skills
– you get used to speaking in front of others
BTW, you have a choice of 92 clubs around Ottawa that usually meet weekly.
http://www.toastmastersdistrict61.org/eng/findClub/clublist.asp?region=1
They almost all welcome visitors, and if you join one and then find another one you like better, you can transfer without charge.
For more flavour, read some of the monthly Toastmaster Magazine articles:
http://www.toastmasters.org/ToastmastersMagazine/ToastmasterArchive.aspx
Good for inspiration and advice. Use a google search to pinpoint answers, e.g.:
http://google.com/search?q=site%3Atoastmasters.org%2FToastmastersMagazine%2F+creative
tOM, VP-Education, Odawa Neeskak Toastmasters
http://odawaneeskak.freetoasthost.info/
Thanks for sharing your experience. I agree, we’ve all been there, situations like going in front of the stage and making a speech to a faceless crowd or dressing up for an interview! But what I just kept in my mind are these things:
Speaking in public is not inherently stressful.
Don’t fear the fear. Don’t fight it.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to succeed:
– It’s not about you.
– You don’t have to be perfect or brilliant to succeed.
– You are not the only one with this problem.
Be yourself.
Don’t over-prepare or prepare in too much detail, but do rehearse if possible.
Make sure you have a message to share. Focus on your audience and on the message itself during your presentation.
Don’t believe something bad will happen.
Don’t think your audience does not want you to succeed.
Get practice to see firsthand that all the points above are true.
Recently, I made an effort to put up a comprehensive diagram for this, please take a look!
http://www.spreadinghappiness.org/2010/01/analysis-of-public-speaking-anxiety-and-proposals/
Thanks, Nick