Get-Well-Soon Kitty Litter

I hate to say it, but my unbridled optimism is taking a bit of a beating. After a couple of days of consistent improvements in my pain levels, an irritating pain settled into my left leg and butt on Sunday and has been getting steadily worse ever since.

As you know, I got my medical degree from the University of Google. We specialize in multiple choice diagnostics here at Google U. For example, your headache is the result of your hat being too tight or a brain tumor.

So after conducting a great deal of research, I’ve concluded my leg pain is due to one of four things:

• Normal, temporary post-surgical swelling or inflammation or irritation of the nerve or surrounding tissues;
• The nerves are still in the process of settling down now that the impingement has been removed;
• The result of over-doing it after surgery – walking too far, sitting too long, etc.;
• Re-herniation or other injury of the disk;
• Something else.

Obviously reherniation is the most disturbing possibility. Things did get better before they got worse, which makes me suspect reherniation. On the other hand, maybe things just felt better at first because they kept me so high in the hospital it took a couple of days for the pain to catch up with me.

I might call my surgeon for a second opinion.

In other news, don’t you love this Get Well card? It’s from my friend Gail (aka Wendy in this post), who popped in on Saturday with wine and chocolate and fruit and kitty litter and paper towels. Gail’s got a fiercely pragmatic side. When she heard the word surgery, the first thing she thought “Is Oh My God, surgery! She won’t be able to carry kitty litter for months!”

I’m not sure why there was paper toweling in the care package, but I’m not surprised. Gail has a PhD in Worst Case Scenario Disaster Planning for Everyday Life. She is always prepared for an emergency – any emergency. Our cubicles were side by side for about 15 years, and she never ceased to amaze me with the number – and variety! – of things she found to worry about and prepare for. For example, she made sure that every member of her family always had a spare pair of clean underwear tucked away in a zip-lock baggie in their backpack or wallet or purse. Just in case. (And a first-aid kit, in case the class bully found out about the spare underwear.)

She’s also a very generous person, and the ultimate volunteer. I remember when she was on the Board at her kids’ daycare centre. At a board meeting one evening, the subject of the daycare’s worn, threadbare furniture came up. Gail was shocked to hear herself volunteering to re-upholster all the furniture. Shocked, and horrified too, but powerless to stop herself.

“Have you ever upholstered anything before?” I asked the next morning, when she told me about it.

“No!” she cried, “I don’t know what I was thinking! The words just came out!”

She never did upholster the furniture, because she was too busy making 27 different costumes for the Grade One play. Instead, she went out and bought ALL NEW FURNITURE for the daycare centre. With her own money.

That’s Gail. And this is her Get Well card.