I have a theory that everybody loves Neil Diamond but most people are afraid to admit it. Today at lunch my coworkers all denied their love for Neil vehemently, but I think it was just a classic case of the ladies doth protest too much.
Years ago I had a New Year’s Eve party and at some point I threw on a Neil Diamond CD. Predictably, everybody started groaning and rolling their eyes, but I refused – refused – to change the CD. Sure enough, within a few minutes, everybody was bopping along with the music, and it became apparent that they all knew the words to Cracklin’ Rosie and Sweet Caroline. They were totally into it, but they still wouldn’t admit that they loved Neil Diamond.
I scored free tickets to the Neil Diamond concert last night! The seats were behind the stage at Scotia Bank Place or whatever it’s called this year, in the second tier. Neil was fabulous. Seriously. He had a brass band and dancing girls – 15 people in all. It was a great show. Not as great as Dark Side of the Moon in Montreal in 1975, but great in its own Neil Diamondy way. At 67, Neil’s still got it.
He started with Holly Holy. He sang Cracklin’ Rosie, and I Am I Said. He did Sweet Caroline twice! TWICE! He did Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show for an encore.
Afterwards, as we were driving back through the ice pellets, I sighed “Don’t you just love Neil Diamond?”
There was kind of an odd silence.
I glanced at GC and – thinking maybe he’d just been wrapped up in his own memories of the concert – I repeated the question.
“Don’t you just love Neil Diamond?”
There was another pause, and then he said “I had fun tonight.”
“Yeah,” I said, “But don’t you just love Neil Diamond?”
“Love’s kind of a special word,” he said carefully, “How exactly do you mean it?”
This time I paused.
He couldn’t take the silence for more than a few seconds.
“I don’t love Neil Diamond as much as I love you,” he said.
“Of course not,” I said, “But you do love him, right?”
“I don’t love him as much as I love Duncan,” he said.
“Me neither,” I replied, “But you do love him a little bit, right?”
There was another pause.
“Not as much as I love oatmeal,” he said finally.
And then, apparently feeling emboldened by this assertion, he went on to suggest that most people love oatmeal more than Neil Diamond!
Which of course is ludicrous. And we have the technology to prove it.
Please step into the polling booth, ladies and gentlemen, and rate your love for Neil and oatmeal.
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See, this is a hard call. I mean I don’t want to throw my bra at Neil Diamond (and isn’t doing the same song twice sort of… well… lame.)And well, I love September Morn and You Don’t Bring Me Flowers but mainly because they remind me of my mom. (Who still sings them in the kitchen when they come on the radio.) But I’m not sure I actually love Neil. Now I LOVE Pearl Jam.
Oatmeal, well, oatmeal is yummy. When I am camping, I definitely love me some oatmeal. IF something were to happen to the oatmeal while camping I would be sad. In a way that I wouldn’t be if Neil suddenly wasn’t there.
So at the risk of being blacklisted. I… um … voted for oatmeal.
I think a lot of people secretly love Tom Jones, too. What’s new, pussycat? Whoa-oa-oa-ah!
Um, I do NOT love Neil Diamond. I voted for oatmeal. I don’t even think I could name one Neil Diamond song or ID him from a line-up!
I think you need to get a copy of The Last Waltz and remind all these people that Neil was one of the featured guests. AT one time he was big in Rock and Roll.
Of course this is just another way of saying, you’re really old and should move to some of the new bands like Queen or Elton John.
I hardly ever eat oatmeal, but yes I know too many words to too many Neil Diamond songs to slag him. He knew Carole King and Gerry Goffin and Neil Sedaka and Paul Simon back when we were all making up our minds about what made popular music worth our time and what was disposable. Too often Neil was in the disposable file, but he knew what a hook was and couldn’t be denied.
Still, I’ll give you six Serena Ryders for Neil any day, plus you don’t have to endure the barren depths of that cavern on the edge of town.
She’ll play for you any ol’ day at yer Zaphods -last week – or up to yer Black Sheep when Paul can get her in.
I’d go see the other Neil (Young) tomorrow but for previous commitments. Keep on Rockin’ in the Free World!!! And where would that be? Here on Parliament Hill? Hmm… We’ll see….
I don’t know if I would enjoy a drive to Toronto with Neil Diamond, but I love his music.
Between 1976 and 1980, I think I played side two of Beautiful Noise more than I have played any other 22 minutes of music in my whole life.
I’m really glad to hear that you enjoyed his concert. And a bit jealous, but I’ve only myself to blame for not shelling out for tix.
I just laughed so hard that it was a very good thing I didn’t have a mouthful of oatmeal to shoot through my nose. I’m still on the voting fence . . .
Nah, it’s oatmeal.
I admit it, I love Neil too. I went to see him about 15 years ago and love him then too…not quite as much as Bruce, but close.
Lindsay is going to see him tonight, I think…with her grandmother.
I picked Neil Diamond. I always giggle when he sings, “and no one heard at all, not even the chair.” It is one of the worst lyrics ever, yet it has brought me such mirth over the years I love him for it. Oatmeal never made me laugh like that.
Wow, I evened things back up for oatmeal. Sorry, Neil. I really am very fond of oatmeal.
Sorry, I’m struggling with the question “which do I dislike least?” I don’t like oatmeal. I’ll eat it in cold weather because it’s good for me, but only if there’s lots of sugar and fruit in it. And I don’t like Neil Diamond. The only thing I like about him is a punk cover of Sweet Caroline (and, no, I’m not a huge punk fan, but this one is just too fun, though it’s not nearly as good as the same group’s cover of One Tin Soldier).
Nat, there’s hope for you yet – you’re young, there’s still time for your musical tastes to mature. (I love oatmeal too, by the way. Just not as much as Neil Diamond.)
Abby, I knew a woman who threw her panties at Englebert Humperdink.
WC, way deep down, way way deep down, I’m pretty sure you love Neil Diamond. Let me help you out a bit. Sweeeeet Carolineeee! The time never seemed so fine!
Bandobras, I’m not that old, but I was listening to the Golden Oldies station by the time I was eight.
Future Landfill, I’ll check Serena out. I think Neil was always on the disposable list because it was never considered cool to like him. But everybody secretly did like him, way deep down.
David, if I’d known you loved him, I would have gotten you guys some free tickets too! And if the Archies ever come to town, we’ve got a date, right?
Grace, admit it, you LOVE Neil Diamond, you’re just voting for oatmeal because I voted for February, right?
Deb, that’s actually pretty funny. See, EVERYBODY loves Neil. He spans all the generations.
Jo, it’s funny you should mention that, because I’ve always wondered if I was hearing that lyric wrong, since it didn’t make any sense. But last night when he sang it, I thought of The Chair. You know. The ESI’s Chair. I think blogging has rewired my brain.
Just Making It Up – you seem to have the opposite problem from Norma. You love Neil AND oatmeal, and Norma hates Neil AND oatmeal.
Norma, welcome to the blog – I don’t think I’ve seen you here before. If you stick around, I’m sure in time you’ll come to love oatmeal and Neil. First you have to open your heart…
Wow, the voting is SO tight – 14 to 14. I had no idea people loved oatmeal so much.
Zoom, you are my candy, girl!
I also love Tom Jones, Bette Midler, Cheap Trick, Electric Light Orchestra and Nick Lowe.
Precious from the heart and soul Neil Diamond hands down at all cost any time of the day…who would know better than I to come along……it is I who loves him the most and forever. Nothing like him anywhere and will never will be…..sweet precious one of mine….poetic from his heart as evermore….
Well, it’s not that I dislike Neil Diamond, it’s just that I don’t love him, or better said, I don’t love him all the time. He’s like Abba, or Fleetwood Mac, or Blondie, you hear a song on the radio, or play the CD at a party and everyone has a great time because of the memories the songs bring up and because they can still sing along after all the years. They don’t even have to be specific memories, just memories of listing to the music when you were young and care free. That’s what makes you/me feel so good when listening to him. However, neither he, nor Abba, nor Fleetwood Mac make it to my daily listening list. They’re all great in doses, but you hit saturation point fairly early. Kind of like with oatmeal…
Barry Manilow anyone?
Well I just evened it up for Neil – 20 to 20. I love them both in small doses, but if I was forced to choose (which I was, because I appear to be powerless to ignore a zoom poll), I’d have to go with Neil.
I could live without Neil but I couldn’t live without oatmeal. Well, I could but I would prefer not to live without oatmeal.
Since I just finished my oatmeal, I had to vote for it. I used to love Neil, waaayyy back when I was a teenager. I’m over 50 now. And over Neil. Go oatmeal!
I don’t like oatmeal very much, but I voted for oatmeal. I think the GC must love YOU very much to accompany you to Neil Diamond. There is no other explanation. I want you to know that there is medication available now for people who think they love Neil Diamond. It has been used with a great deal of sucess. I know you think you’re okay and thinking rationally, but this is symptomatic of many psychological illnesses. Please don’t be scared. Talk to someone. Get help. We care about you.
I remember when I could have answered without any reservations that I loved Neil Diamond. That would be in the late sixties, early seventies. Definitely BEFORE the Jazz Singer. I agree, almost word for word, with Melinda about how I feel about him now. But I’m glad you love him and that you had a rockin’ time at the concert.
You’re my candy girl too David. (And I LOVE Bette Midler.)
Jordan, holy wow, you really DO love Neil Diamond, don’t you? I mean, I love him, but judging from your site, it looks like you’re a full-time fan. Have you met him? Is he scared of you?
Melinda, unlike Jordan, it sounds like you and Neil have a casual, on-again-off-again kind of relationship.
Leanne, good work!
Bonnie, I hope you haven’t antagonized Jordan.
Ellen, Neil is now trailing oatmeal by three votes.
XUP, admit it, way deep down where you keep your embarrassing secrets, you are deeply deeply fond of Neil Diamond.
Sheila, did you vote for oatmeal??
No I’m not. Not at all. My high school boyfriend identified profoundly with Neil Diamond and coerced me into watching Jonathan Livingston Seagull about 50 times. Really, I loathe Neil Diamond and all things Neil Diamondish
Neil Diamond is fine. Decent. Entertaining. I’m from Boston, so I enjoy “Sweet Caroline.” It makes my heart happy.
But I really, truly love oatmeal.
Sorry Zoom but I LOVE OATMEAL and Neil Diamond…not so much.
Okay I’m sure you’re all wondering how Neil managed to surge so far ahead in the poll, after being virtually tied for the first 12 hours.
It’s because the I Am I Said Neil Diamond Fan Club discovered the poll and descended en masse upon Knitnut.net.
I’m a little worried that the server might not be able to handle the load once the Oatmeal Fan Club discovers the poll…
I love Neil Sedaka too. Lindsay, Dave & Scary T & Gramma (3 generations) are all going tomorrow night…I will let you know how much they love Neil afterwards. I know that the middle generation there consider “sweet Caroline” their song.
There is a button on the upper right hand corner of this page: http://hubpages.com/tag/oatmeal/hot?page=3 to join an Oatmeal Fan Club. I didn’t go there . . .
Off to Google “Vile November Haters Club”.
Ok ok, but it’s not as simple as all that.
Neil Diamond was only on The Last Waltz because of Robbie Robertson’s misguided desire to include the original tin pan alley songwriters. His performance was abysmal.
Well, not that I’ve seen many, or want to.
He may know how to write a song (or get them written for him), and he may know how to sing it in an unoffensive way, but man. Just man. No.
But on the other hand my wife loves him. Seen him live and everything. At first I thought she was kidding but then I realized we were already married, so what difference did it make? But it turns out she wasn’t kidding.
She still sings along when she hears him.
Now that’s all fine and dandy. We all make mistakes. (And you know who you are). But to *continue* to get ensnared in the cheese trap indicates a deep psychotic break, an entrenched desire to return to the past.
And everything I just said can also be applied to oatmeal. Twice.
I’m with GC on this one.
In fact, I’d be a happier man if I didn’t have to see (or hear) either one of them ever again.
I’m just sayin.
I have been to see Neil perform TWICE in the past 4 months and my love for him, his music, and his band has grown stronger then ever! Many people mock him for his happy-go-lucky songs such as Sweet Caroline and Song Sung Blue, I feel sorry for them. Neils music goes a lot deeper than that and has much more meaning then people realize. Take for instance the lyrics “Beauty and love surround me, freed me from what I fear, ask for amazing grace and you appear” from his newest single Pretty Amazing Grace off of his BILLBOARD MAGAZINE #1 for MANY weeks album HOME BEFORE DARK.
At the last concert of his that I attended (last Friday nite), the arena was FILLED to capacity, of the 10,000 seats, only 57 were empty. When that man hit the stage, he enthusiastically and energetically performed for 2 SOLID HOURS. There was thunderous applause after each song and the looks on the faces in the audience were that of Respect and Awe. My husband (a self professed neil loather) walked out of that concert with new found respect and amazement, hes told all of his friends that Neil puts on a tremendous show and recommended that if anyone had the chance to go and see him. The man is THAT extraordinary!! Love you Neil!!
Well yeah, but oatmeal’s not bad either.
I voted for oatmeal, but I really love a creamy bowl of oatmeal with peach preserves and milk!
I have Neil Diamond classed with Tom Jones. I really love them both – velcro tune makers that make you want to dance…badly.
Oh Jo, I nearly died laughing at a friend’s WORSE lyrics –
“There was a bitter fruit sitting in his chair”
He was really miffed as I was trying to come up with an appropriate bitter fruit.
I finally settled on a kumquat sitting in the chair.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I love Neil Diamond. When I saw Saving Silverman, I didn’t understand why people thought a Neil Diamond tribute band was funny. Who deserves a tribute band more than Neil?
I freely admit it……….I loooooooooove Neil Diamond better than any flavor of oatmeal, and as much as all of these people are SAYING oatmeal, the votes prove it – Neil wins out over oatmeal.
Go Neil.
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