Time is marching inexorably towards my birthday. I can hear my heartbeat in my watch.
I used to be so laid back about the prospect of aging. I was excited about 20. I was happy about 30. I approached 40 with interest. Throughout it all, I laughed philosophically at other people’s dread of birthdays and aging and wrinkles. Not me, I thought, I’m going to age gracefully.
It’s easy to be smug about aging when you’re young.
I think I thought of aging as a buffet: I’d embrace the silver hair, wisdom and grandchildren, but I’d pass on the wrinkles, cognitive decline, fatigue and sagging. In other words, I would get older, but I would resist looking and feeling older.
It wasn’t till I passed 45 that I started feeling uneasy about my own aging process, and wanted to put the brakes on. I think it was when I started catching glimpses of myself in unexpected mirrors, and realized that I was starting to look less and less like myself.
And now…my 50th birthday looms two weeks from today, on October 15th. I’m trying not to let it freak me out, but it’s so huge and freaky. How can I be turning 50?? My parents are only in their 60s…shouldn’t I be about 35? I’m sure they’d both agree they’re much too young to have children in their 50s.
For years I told myself adulthood has three stages: young adults are 20-40; middle-aged adults are 40-60; old adults are 60 and over. So at 40, I stopped being an old young person and became a young middle-aged person. I was cool with that. But I can’t seem to find a way to minimize the fact that fifty is getting way up there. I can’t nudge the age brackets a little wider and make myself young again. I’m well beyond semantics now: I’m seriously entrenched in middle age. This in itself wouldn’t be so bad, but time is gathering momentum and before you know it, I’ll be old. Then really old. Then dead. I don’t like where this is going.
A couple of weeks ago I met an artist and she told me she painted a picture for her son’s 50th birthday. When she said “50th birthday” I automatically conjured up an image of a fat, balding, florid-complexioned guy having his first colonoscopy. And then I remembered with a jolt that I’m turning 50 and maybe I should revise my stereotype.
I know 50’s just a number, but it’s not just a number. Things have been happening, too. Age-related things. Like throwing my back out, and a persistent twinge in my hip, and I think one of my freckles turned into an age spot this year. Also, I can’t seem to lose those 7 pounds I gained after I quit smoking last year, and I’ve even added a few more pounds recently because I’ve been eating like a horse and you can’t do that when you’re middle-aged because you have old metabolism.
I figured I should get more exercise, so I picked up the catalogue at the Plant Recreation Centre. You know what I saw in there? Exercise classes for seniors aged 50 and over. I am not kidding. Fifty and over! In two weeks I’ll be a senior! (And no, they didn’t offer a seniors’ discount.)
Anyway, enough about me. How old are you? How old do you feel? How do you feel about getting older? Is aging still kind of theoretical and abstract for you, or are you seeing it in the mirror and feeling it in your bones yet? Are you doing anything to try to slow it down?
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I hadn’t realized you were THAT old. To me you are young and vibrant and adventurous and that’s what keeps me feeling young too… Have you seen my teeth dear?
I am 28 (29 in a few months) but most days I still feel like I’m 21. THere are other days though, when I look ayt my married friends, who all have kinds (not that I want kids) and I start to feel the clock, tick, tick tick. I’m not so worried about kids, but just seeing them with kids is a reminder that I’m not 21. No wrinkles or gray hair (which some of my friends.. mostly the ones with kids… have)
I’ve considered investing in all kinds of anti-aging creams, but as I said before I’m just too lazy and prefer to sleep
When I turned 50 I was in a job I loved and was very good at. On top of the world you might say. I looked forty and enjoyed my life completely. When I turned 60 I was retired, overweight, anonymous. Life events had worn me down and out. I didn’t mind BEing 60, I minded having to
tell people I was 60.
Now I am one month away from being 61, I have just started spinning, my knitting is better, my house is coming back under my control, finances have improved and I am feeling more in control of my life. I still look younger than I am and occasionally I FEEL younger than I am. Except on the days that I am 60 going on 85. My goal is to be a very very old lady and as far as I can tell, there is only one way of getting there.
I am hope hope hoping that you don’t get a Harper majority for your birthday.
My birthday is two days before yours. Happy birthday fellow Libra!
I am not even a “young adult” by your scale- I have the laid back view of aging like you mentioned in the beginning, just because its not something worth worrying about- there’s nothing anyone can possibly change about how old they are. This is me being smug, isn’t it? I have too many classes and projects and tests to fret about instead.
Hum… I’m “a tad” older than you…. I’m not bothered by the zeros in a number…30, 40, 50… it’s that “five”…35, 45, 55, yikes…. I use a good face cream and a good eye cream. My hair is silver, lush, bushy, longish and I really, really like it (my friends don’t…it isn’t “young”). I walk a lot, I have the menopausal “things”, but hate it or love it, time marches on, so one has to decide what to do about it.
I am 26.
I feel near 40 a good majority of the time because: I have 2.5 children (heh — 6, 4, and December-ish.) 2 cats, 2 fish, a dog, and 2 kittens coming any day now. I have a career that I love, and will one day let me retire. I own a small business that has been in operation for 5 years and keeps me hopping. I volunteer for Car Seat Safety, and on a couple of boards of directors. I play Rugby. I Belly Dance. I have an ex-husband, a partner, 3 mothers and 4 fathers (beware the family shrub). I am currently half way through 3 books, 2 knitting projects (including the sjarte booties I started when I found out about #3, and will likely finish when he is 2.), and have a cross stitch on the hoops.
.. I feel far too old for my 26 years spinning around the sun.
Honestly though – I think how old you feel is how old you make yourself feel. I feel old because I am chronically under-slept and over-extended. However! All of the half photos of you (usually with Duncan in your face 😉 ) show you to be radiant and beautiful. Embrace 50 – make it the new Zoom-42 (then market it!)
As you know, I am the same age as you for about 24 days…then I hit 51. 50 was no big deal but then I got married last year too and that was the bigger deal. I do the same as you though…catch glimpses of myself and wonder who that old person is. I am happy with my life and I think that you are too…isn’t that all that really matters?
I am turning 25 on November 28th. The number certainly has a significant look to it.
My biggest birthday related regret is that I haven’t had a proper birthday with a large number of friends and family members present since 2004. That is one disadvantage of moving around a fair bit.
I may have already told you this Zoom for I am old and I forget . . . I was born in 1954 and celebrated my 54th birthday this year: a self-proclaimed lucky birthday. I wanted to do something special to celebrate and so I took up running this summer. For the first time in my slothful, non-athletic, last-picked-for-the-team life.
I’m doing my first 5k this Sunday: the Run for the Cure. A little thyroid blip may make it the Crawl for the Cure but I.don’t.care. My wonderful friends and family have supported me with $650 of donations and I and my trusty iPod will be out there on Sunday morning ready to roll.
Three days a week, when I’m puffing up the Ottawa River Parkway with my health card in my pocket and Lynyrd Skynyrd in my ear telling me to ‘turn it up’, I feel young again. My mom (78) tried dog-sledding for the first time last winter and kayaking this summer. She was 77 when she had her first chili dog and her first canoe ride. I wanna be old just like my mom. When I catch those glimpses in the mirror, the ones that say I’m turning into my mother, it’s really not so bad.
Remember what I said to you Zoom? It’s all about attitude! So, continue to keep it young… you truly don’t look your age!
Like Carment, it isn’t the ending in “0” years that hit me, it’s the 5’s…
I turned 55 this year and it seemed much more traumatic than 50 was. Maybe it’s that “10 years to retirement” thing.
I look and feel younger than my chronological age, so it’s hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I’m really 55.
Of course, it helps that I just celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary with my husband who is almost 19 years younger than I am…
I’m not even 46 yet, but 50 is looming ever larger in my mind. I just can’t put “me” in that category, whatever that category is, ya know? I’ve been weirding myself out about it, wondering how the frak I got here and where the frak I’m going from here. I only hope I get this figured out soon, because 4 more years of worrying about it is an exhausting proposition.
I’m 44. I’ve had significant amounts of grey hair since my early 30s. I left it natural until around 40, when I decided I was too young to be that grey, and I became a redhead. In the past few months I’ve been growing it out again – ready to embrace the grey. Until a couple of days ago. It hit me that when you’re 35 and grey, it’s obvious that you’re prematurely grey and it’s sexy. Being 55 and grey looks like you’re embracing your age and not trying to regain a lost youth. But being 45 and grey just makes you look older than you are. I am now a redhead again. Maybe I’ll reconsider at 50.
I’ll be 53 on October 14. I don’t recognize the grey haired woman in the mirror when I see her. In my mind I am still slim and dark haired. In reality I am neither. Still feeling the shock of that…..
Hey Zoom Happy BDay
The next 6 yrs are great.
Enjoy
One of my girlfriends said that not one day went by during her 50th year that she didn’t wake up and say with increasing trepidation, “I am going to be 50 this year”. And then on her 50th birthday, she woke up and just didn’t care. The fear of approaching it was worse than the actuality. Maybe that will happen to you.
I’m your sisters much younger friend (by 2 weeks!)so 51 is just around the bend. BTW…you, your sisters, your brother and your Mom look fantastic and never appear to age.
One comfort I take in the aging process is that I’m not alone and today is the youngest you will ever be so you may as well enjoy it!
I am 51. Like you, I had been looking at the big 5-0 and dreading it. It came and it went, I didn’t feel much different. I am healthy, I exercise a lot so my body still looks okay (yes, there is sagging, no way around it), and it takes longer to heal when I’m injured and longer to get better after I’ve been sick. All my moaning about ageing came to a stop after I found out my younger sister (42) had Lou Gehrig’s disease. I had envied for the last 10 years her youthfulness, but when I look at her today, unable to move and having more and more difficulty expressing herself, I realize she will never be 50. Yes, we get older, but it’s better than the alternative. Seeing her humbled me and made me appreciate what I have — I can walk, I can talk, I can eat without choking, I have freedom of movement. Whatever age we are, if we have quality of life, there is nothing more important. Sorry for sounding so gloomy, don’t mean to spoil the occasion. Enjoy your fifties in good health!
I will weigh in as the oldest person to respond. I am 68 and have only begun to feel decrepit in the last couple of years. Things Fall Apart, as an African writer once said. I think the best ways to postpone the complete collapse are:
1. Realize as Bonnie does that this is the youngest you will ever be and enjoy it.
2. Keep as active and fit as you possibly can.
3. Maintain an interest in learning new things and having adventures.
4. Surround yourself with dogs, other animals and positive people of all ages. I particularly like companions who can make me laugh out loud.
One of my oldest friends said to me almost twenty years ago after a visit to Montreal to see her 80 year old mother, “I hate to tell you this, but it gets worse, Barbara.” Her mother, by the way, is almost 100 today and still enjoying life although on a more restricted scale.
Ah, yes, 50. I turned 50 yesterday. Definitely a mixed feelings kind of day.
As you know, I turned 50 in February. Ahem. But even with the health thing, I think it has been a pretty good year. Interesting anyway! I’m with Judi (#3) above. I plan to be at least 103 before I kick the bucket and have all my marbles at the same time.
And Carmen! I love your hair! It is the same colour as mine.
Mine’s just shorter.
Zoom, you might as well embrace whatever age you are because you cannot do anything to change it. The thing is, I know you will and you will feel good about yourself in any event. Moving forward is the key.
Happy birthday! I turned 50 last Saturday. I’ve recently started exercising and stupidly tried to show off (to myself!) with too much weight, so both knees have been screaming at me for a week or so. Other than hot flashes (when *do* they end?), no discernable problem areas…aside from my cat, who pees in the closet when he’s peeved.
GC – Thanks, that’s sweet. (BTW, I think The Dog ate your teeth.)
Valerie – Since you’re in the peak of youth, I’d say skip the anti-aging creams, just use moisturizer and sunscreen!
Judi, it sounds like you’re going in the right direction. (And you’re right, there’s only one way to get to be a very old lady…straight through middle age to the other side.)
Parasol – Yes, it’ll be depressing enough to wake up to being 50, let alone to a Conservative majority. In lieu of gifts, I want everybody to vote ABC (Anything But Conservative!) Happy Birthday to you too.
Sam, you’re not even 20 yet? Wow. Cool. You might be the youngest person to read my blog. Just curious – what do you think the perfect age would be?
Carmen, that’s interesting about the fives. I remember my sister getting hung up on 37 or 47 (i forget which one). I’m glad you feel good about your hair. Regardless of our age, we should all be able to look in the mirror and see something we like.
Soire – You’ve reminded me that one of the advantages of getting older is that the load gets lighter with time. I honestly can’t imagine doing half of what you’re doing. Though I must say even though your life sounds hectic and challenging, it also sounds like a lot of fun in a crazy circus kind of way. 😉
Deb – you’re right. Being happy is all that matters. I just wish I was happy about my age in addition to being happy about most other things. I have noticed that – unlike me – you’ve become more relaxed about aging as you’ve gotten older.
Milan – I’ll be TWICE as old as you. I’m curious to know too what you consider to be the ideal age. Since you already know you want a birthday party, are you going to throw yourself one?
Grace – I’m very, very impressed that you’ve started running. Good for you. Do you love it or hate it or something in between? (I had a love/hate relationship with running.) I ran the Run for the Cure in 2005 and 2006 and my advice is Start Slowly. (By the way, if you’re still looking for sponsors, I’ll sponsor you. Email me!)
Woodsy, I know, I know, I’m trying to have a better attitude about turning 50 (and I did manage to cheer up about it when we were talking at lunch that day)…I’ll keep working on it.
Gayle, that’s funny, because the only thing I’m looking forward to about aging is retirement (well, menopause too)(and grandchildren). Happy Anniversary!
Toni, I’m glad I’m not the only one! I set myself a couple of goals when I was your age – I wanted to have quit smoking and bought a house by the time I was 50. (I did both at 48, and I think it would have been useful to replace those goals with new goals once I met them.)
Leanne, that’s so interesting about the hair and timing the dying that way. There’s a woman on my bus who looks youthful, dresses youthfully, and has the most gorgeous long silver hair. It’s so striking. She makes me wonder why young people don’t dye their hair silver.
Connie, that’s how I feel too – it’s weird when your looks no longer match how you’ve always seen yourself. Maybe that gets easier as you get more used to it? (Happy Birthday to you too by the way.)
Thanks Guy!
Deb, I hope it happens that way for me too. I’m pretty sure this agonizing over it is just my own neurotic way of preparing myself psychologically for it.
Bonnie, that’s such a lovely thing to say. (You look great for your age too – and I’m not just saying that because you said it first!) And yes, I will bear in mind that this is the youngest I’ll ever be, and at 60 I’m pretty sure I’ll think 50 is young.
Manon, I’m sorry about your sister. A friend of mine wrote to me yesterday to say that she’s facing 50 too but she’s feeling really good about it because she had breast cancer in her early 40s and now she loves the idea of getting older.
Oma, good advice, thanks. In addition to surrounding oneself with positive people, it’s a good idea to try to cultivate that quality in oneself. As for the fitness thing, I find as I get older I can relate more and more to that t-shirt that says “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
Sheila, you turned 50 YESTERDAY?? And you lived to tell the tale? Well a great big Happy Birthday to you! And a hug too. Are you okay?
Julia, you turned 50 with style, and I’ll always remember your 50th birthday party. 😉 That’s a good point you make about embracing it since you can’t change it.
Melissa – Happy 50th Birthday to you too! I’m feeling a little better now that I’m seeing I’m in such good company. I haven’t had any hot flashes yet, but I’m kind of looking forward to them and hoping they kick in soon since Ottawa winters can be brutally cold. As for the cat: I think I’d rather mine peed in the closet than on the bed.
No, no Zoom – I meant that you already have the right attitude and that that is why you don’t look your age. It’s OK to feel a little sad about turning 50. I am a little sad this week that I now have a very visible strand of white hair.
Happy Birthday Zoom!
Always embrace your birthday. Take the day off work. Celebrate your day. I guarantee you won’t feel any “older” as age is a state of mind.
When I turned 50, I got some great gifts: such as, a bottle of “Still Hot at 50” hot sauce, a very large bottle (1 litre?) of Labatts 50, some exquisite yet discrete pieces of jewelry, the obligatory turning 50 tshirt, etc. I was so touched to be honoured and gifted by friends and family.
Here is my gift to you – check out the house on Pretoria that Christopher Griffiin is turning into a work of art. Not just the article below, see it, it’s great. http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/news/story.html?id=d2ce68c0-6ddf-4c24-bf43-2992b9720744
PS – I’m 55 and it’s still good.
Today I am 52 (please do not tell, i took my name off the list because I don’t like all the hoo hah), but except for my feet I feel like I did a 39. Though I am acquiring more gray in my hair than I like! I’m just happy to be around to have another birthday!
I’m 22, already have grey hairs and chronic pain. I frequently feel like I’m in my 60s/70s, all creaky and exhausted 😛
Tobique, I like the way you look at things. And on my actual birthday I’m going to leave work a little bit early and go check out that house on Pretoria. Thank you.
Kimmie, I think it’s funny that you – who always remembers and celebrates everybody else’s birthdays – wants your own to be ignored! Anyway, I won’t tell anybody else, but I hope your birthday was happy in its own secret way.
Arden – grey hairs, chronic pain, creaky and exhausted at 22? I insist you take yourself out for a massage!
Happy Birthday fellow Libra. I’m turning 25 on October 19th. To be honest, I feel a little weird about 15. When I was younger, I thought that 25 was a good age to start having kids, getting married, buying a house. I don’t feel like that at all. I bought a house, but that was for an investment purposes. I don’t know if I’ll be married anytime soon and def. not having kids.
I still feel like I’m only 18. I find it weird to hear that my friends or people I know having kids and getting married. It hasn’t sunk in yet.
For now, I’m just going to keep living life to the fullest. I always want to be young at heart and have fun.
Happy Birthday!!
I hope your having a fantastic birthday!