Do you have a favourite colour, a favourite song, a favourite movie, actor and actress? A favourite pet, or a favourite child?
I always draw a blank when I get asked what my favourite anything is. I don’t think I have many favourites. I love the colour blue, but I love green too, and sometimes I’m in the mood for white. And doesn’t it depend on the context? I have a lot of blue clothes, but I wouldn’t want blue walls.
I do have a favourite chair. And a favourite kid. He’s my only kid, but he would still be my favourite even if I had 10 kids. I’ve noticed my friends will readily identify a favourite colour or song, but won’t admit to having a favourite kid. They say things like “They’re all my favourite,” or “I dislike them all equally.”
But kids know. They KNOW. Take my family for example. My mother has four kids. The third kid is her favourite. All four of us know it. The favourite kid feels a little guilty and apologetic for being the favourite, but she doesn’t try to deny it. There’s no point: we all know. The rest of us honestly don’t mind that we’re not the favourite, because when you occupy the exalted position of favourite you carry additional responsibilities. For example, the favourite has to spend more time with her, and be more like her best friend.
My mother has seven grandchildren. I’m pretty sure her four kids could rank all the grandchildren from most favourite to least favourite, and our lists would be identical. I’m my mother’s second-favourite kid, and my son is her third-favourite grandchild. (The favourite kid is the mother of both the favourite grandson and the favourite granddaughter, and also of the least-favourite grandchild.)
Even though we don’t mind not being her favourite, we probably all harbor a wee bit of resentment that she’s a better grandmother to some of her grandchildren than others.
My mother even has a favourite ex-husband. And a least favourite ex-husband. My father is the second-favourite ex-husband. (The favourite child’s father is the least favourite ex-husband, so I see no pattern here.)
The next time I see my mom I’m going to ask her if she has a favourite child. She’ll probably say we’re all her favourite. But she’ll look sheepish when she says it.
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By the way, I read a study once that said mothers will deny having a favourite until they’re very old and their children are old, and then 80% of them will admit it confidentially to an interviewer.
Very interesting post!
My mum has a favourite child too and it isn’t me! It’s my brother
A few months ago we where looking at photos and she blurted it out by accident (must be her age, she’s 74 :)) and was very ashamed an apologetic afterwards. But I have no problem with it, somehow I’ve always known 
I agree with Dakota – very interesting. I am always hard pressed to identify my favourite colour or song or movie. My favourite car was the only one I bought all on my own and paid for and that was entirely mine – my 1989 yellow Mustang. But that’s probably because I only have had the one! No kids so can’t say there. My parents have always flatly denied having a favourite among the three of us. And will probably go to their graves saying that too. They do treat us all individually, according to our foibles and make allowances for some that don’t apply to others. My older sister and I think our youngest sister is Mum’s favourite but not because she’s extra clever or cute or talented – more because life was tougher for her due to her innate personality and so she needed a little extra looking after. On the other hand, I got a lot of extra attention when I was very young because I needed social skills drilled into me. You know, the more I write this, the more I think the parental units are telling the truth – they really don’t have a favourite. Interesting.
Dakota, it’s interesting how closely parents guard that ‘secret’ and yet the adult kids already know and don’t much care.
Julia, you bring up an interesting point about your mother favouring your younger sister because life was extra tough for her. That study I mentioned said exactly the same thing: mothers, when they finally admit to having a favourite, usually say they favoured a child who had physical or psychological problems that were not in his or her control.
You do realize, that you’re mom has given up on favourite children. None of her children could possibly compare to a groundhog, puppy, or in some cases a favourite student.
Yikes! Rob, don’t tell Mom I have a blog!!